Once again, I’m on the Jitney. This time heading west. I’ve got a session with Paul today to edit and remix the song written for Spring’s PwC New Orleans project. I spent the weekend writing and recording an alternate beginning for the chorus, after the original was nixed for being too “we are the world-ish.” Or maybe for being unsubtle, or perhaps just not quite right for some other reason. But I think I came up with something better, so I don’t mind.
I used to take a stand sometimes just because I couldn’t help myself; because how dare anyone tell me they knew better than I did about what a song needed? Anton Fier and I fought like spiders (have you ever seen spiders fight!?) and it was pointless and painful. I don’t fight anymore. It accomplishes nothing and there’s more to be learned from considering someone else’s view.
This is true in my personal life as well. I don’t fight with my family anymore. I don’t fight with friends. If someone wants to fight, I won’t. Someone said to me recently, “You know how to fight, but you don’t know how to make up.” But I wasn’t fighting. I was avoiding the fight. When the noise died down, I got out of there. I didn’t want to make up. What’s the point? I already knew there would be more fighting. And I want to spend my days in other ways.
I’m not saying I don’t get angry. Of course I do. It’s part of the human condition. I don’t care how much work you do on yourself; How much therapy, yoga, Oprah, AA, whatever.. You’re still going to be a human being. There is no transcending it. No evolving beyond it. Not really. But we can try not to make the exact same mistakes over and over again. The ones that do us no good and get us nowhere.
Though it’s not really true that I won’t fight. I’ll fight. If it’s important enough. I’ll fight for someone I love. And I’ll fight to make him see that love is a miracle and living without it is like accepting a death, which sometimes you have to do, but sometimes all you have to do is stay and learn to quit running away from the terrifying truth. What did John Woo used to say? “Make choices, break the pattern.” Or the stones Linda covers with calligraphy: “Risk Something. Be Brave.”
But whatever happens, things are better these days. It’s spring, and the North Fork is beautiful. I got back on the bike this weekend, and have been running nearly every day.
I’m very excited about this New Orleans project. Going down there this week to record a children’s choir. I haven’t been since before Katrina. I can’t wait to teach the kids the song, to work with them. It’s going to be fantastic.