It’s a beautiful, cold, clear day today. I’m sitting here at this long table thinking about my struggle to live comfortably in the world. (I mean this in a spiritual sense as opposed to a material one, which is sometimes also a struggle) There’s one conflict that seems to be a staple, a consistent challenge: Should I treat situations that bother me with acceptance, love, patience? Or should I fight, defend, win? Of course, I know which option will bring greater peace and happiness. Sometimes, accepting what is, though, is really, really hard. But the alternative has never brought anything but more conflict and discomfort.
I don’t remember the words to many of my songs so well. But I was thinking about a line in a song called “Greener.”
“I think I’m changing. I don’t know what into.”
I remember that feeling. I wrote all of the songs on “Everything I Touch Runs Wild” feeling that way. It’s probably my best record because being lost and confused, and trying to figure out how to move into another, better place, was a great condition to write from. Writing with purpose and need has a power simple reflection can only dream about. But I’m glad I don’t have to live in that state today.
What I’ve “changed into” is someone able to recognize when a situation in my life is similar to an earlier one. I recognize I have an opportunity to behave differently, and by acting differently, I can change my life. It’s not an easy thing to do. It’s nearly as tempting as ever to act as I have in the past, but somehow, I’m able to slow my reaction time to the point where I have the opportunity to respond with tolerance and patience instead. This is a decision I continue to make in order to live a comfortable life.