Everything is Broken Days

It’s one of those “everything is broken” days and I’m sorry to the fan who thinks my perspective is depressing. I agree with you. The construction noise is getting to me today. It’s so damn loud and muggy out there. The cats are depressed. Doe is sick again. And my new iphone has stopped working, just gone dead.

It’s come to my attention recently that people do actually read this but I can’t let that stop me from writing what is true for me because that’s the purpose of this thing, so if I’m disillusioning you, again sorry.

Doe’s been sick again and weird too. She had a paranoid episode on the street today. Freaked out and wanted to go home. She’s been glued to me all day (except when I slipped out to get a pedicure — too much information?)

I’m trying to make life work, but you know, It doesn’t. It’s how it is for me and I could make it pretty for you but I won’t. Oprah would say it’s because I’m sending the wrong message to the universe. Sometimes I get into thinking like that and other times not so much. It’s easier when things are easier. What was that expression I had for it? The arrogance of the lucky. Believing you have some sort of control over your fate and that others are doing it wrong. That’s why they get cancer, or hit by cars, or fail at their jobs. Come on. Arrogance of the Lucky.

Got a cold response to my email to the 92Y where I have taken classes and gone to lectures for years. They are so arrogant over there. It’s discouraging and I want to do my workshop there, but the woman who responded to me was rude and superior and who the fu*k is she? It basically kind of ruined my day because they say that those who can’t, teach, but what do those who can’t teach do?

I am teaching now. I’m teaching the workshop at Housing Works and my group is great and I love teaching. I do. I’m great at it, too. Believe it or not. I’m a great teacher and songwriter but I am still going under.

I walk the streets composing my suicide note.

I think about what I will do with the animals and who would be responsible enough to care for Doe. But no one would be and she needs me.

For those of you taking this seriously: Please. I’ve been having these “everything is broken” days for years and I’m still here. Where do you think all those songs come from anyway? Though my mother was voted “most cheerful” in high school, I fell far from the tree. And fell and fell and fell. I’ve written a lot of falling songs, a lot of broken songs. “When are you going to write a happy song?” my mother asked me for years. Well, I’ve no plans to. If it hasn’t happened by now. Damn. It’s not like there’s a shortage. Go listen to happy songs. Why complain to me about it? I’ll write what I want to write and you can listen to it if you want. Or not. I write because I write.

And I teach. Now I teach. My students tell me I’m good. I like it . I like their songs. I like their effort. I respect the challenges. I love being a part of the discovery. The changes they make. I should have had children. Cause it’s the coolest thing to love another person’s work and help them achieve what they want.

But I didn’t have children,  the racket out there is deafening and don’t call me because my iphone is broken.

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10 Responses to Everything is Broken Days

  1. alison says:

    OH my god, is it wrong of me to find you one of the funniest writers I know? This is all awful but oh you make me laugh… I love your writing so much.

    Yes – the lucky are arrogant and judgemental and VERY smug. I have to believe that they’re missing something, though.

    Love,
    A.

  2. robertf101 says:

    I know how your feeling. Monday when getting ready for work, and of course I was in a hurry, I dumped over a newly opened jar of natural peanut butter. The oil ran everywhere! Down the cupboards, on to the stove and into the burner. I didn’t have time to clean the stove, so I just turned on the burner to high and hoped that the heat would burn up my mess. It didn’t! This was the beginning of my day. It didn’t get anybetter!

    Anyways, your post above is hilarious..even though you probably didn’t intend it to be. Also, while reading your post..the lyrics to your song “Anyday” came into my head. Especially the line “You can’t be waiting for the perfect time
    For something magical to change the scene
    And fall into a perfect time”

    Here’s to tomorrow, and the brightness it will bring!

  3. DaleM says:

    Arrogance of the Lucky – absolutely. Goes along with those who insist you just need to ‘go with your instincts’ or ‘go with your gut’. Great so long as you are one of the lucky few whose instincts are good.

    I suspect there are many of us out here who love your music partly because we relate to the struggle with darkness it portrays. It would be strange to see you writing a relentlessly cheerful blog. The scariest people to me are those who can’t acknowledge or accept the darkness they carry.

    Best wishes…
    D

  4. LT says:

    It’s the plague of petty annoyances. I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned somewhere from all of it and anyone can spin a yarn of rationalization over what ultimately remains the seemingly endless parade of small but rediculous BS that lands on YOUR doorstep. It’s yours and it’s real and that’s what you share and we read. I hope you have better times.

  5. Em says:

    Lori:
    Well, hate to tell you but it’s not like you have a ton of happy songs anyway! So if we’re your fans then we certainly share these kinds of feelings and that’s why you’re kinda stuck with us, and that’s why we love your music: You’re not afraid to go there. Even your “happiest” song (Snow Comes Down?) has you singing, “I don’t wanna fuck up anything…”

    As for good things happening to people putting out “the right energy”, anyone knows that’s bullcrap. That’s just a little wall we put up to block out the fear that lets us know that bad things can happen to good people any time.

    If you’re looking for blame, it’s this: It’s a really mixed up world out there and it does not in general reward those that live raw and true. But hopefully, we can live through to some better times when the world wakes up and recognizes it needs people like us.

    Or not.

    Keep blogging, keep writing those songs, because they echo what most people feel deep down inside anyway.

  6. PE says:

    This is a tough time to be an artist. The economy makes everyone scared and scared people are rarely generous with their money or their empathy.

    I love your writing because you have the courage to be who you are and to see who you are. And I think you’ve written some wonderfully happy songs. “Shine” and “Beautiful” come to mind. And they are great because they seem – to me anyway – to come from a real emotional place. You’re not trying to be. You’re being.

    It sounds like you have some very smart students. Hope Doe feels better.

  7. faren kaye says:

    sometimes circumstances and situations show the occasional cracks, but as long as one has one’s own self, and belief in who one is and what one does, everything may seem like it is in disrepair, but the core is whole, so nothing is broken.

    as far as teaching. it is the most noble of professions. it is a way one can gift another with a new sense of sight, inward and out.

    my poetry is melancholy. well that is what i write…

    joyce kilmer i aint

    hope little doe gets well soon

  8. BobK says:

    Lori: I’ve been reading your online writings since you first posted to the long defunct AOL Music message boards. I love your candor and your style, so please don’t stop sharing your thoughts with us—the happy, the sad, and everything in between.

    A couple of things I’d like to get off my chest:

    #1 Oprah is mostly full of sh*t. Eckhart Tolle’s “A NEW EARTH: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” and Rhonda Byrne’s “The Secret”? Puh-lease . . . Feel-good snake oil for the TV-hypnotized masses.

    #2 George Bernard Shaw is believed to have given birth to the phrase “Those who can’t do, teach.” (Woody Allen went one step further and added “And those who can’t teach, teach Gym.” LOL!) But you ARE a singer and songwriter—and a remarkable one at that—so why not teach what you know. The heck with the clueless twit at the 92nd Street Y.

    #3 Life is messy. I pity those who don’t understand that. They’re in for a very rude awakening sooner or later.

    Keep writing those sad songs. I’m “a natural in the dark”, too and I can totally relate to your point of view.

    Much love to you, and Doe, and the rest of your little menagerie.

    PS / Did I mention that Oprah is full of sh*t? ;)

  9. PE says:

    I believe that there are writers who write for the audience and then there are writers who just write and find their audience.

    I wish there were more of us, but I also think there are more of us than you think.

  10. sealarson says:

    I guess I should refine the point of my last post. It’s just that I’ve always loved your songs. They have been such good medicine for my own heart. I just wanted to let you know that I wish good things for you. I’m sure you don’t share every detail of your life here and perhaps this is one of the outlets where you prefer to vent your misery. But just as I would hope Trent Reznor isn’t quite as angry as his music would lead one to believe, I also hope that it truly is an “everything is broken day” and not, “Every day is broken”. There now, I’m done beating that dead horse.

    I like “arrogance o the lucky”. It’s the phenomenon that excretes “how to succeed in business” books all over the back wall of every bookstore.

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